Was it Worth it?
by AlphaOmegaPsi
Summary: Sometimes the things we desire just aren't worth it when there's no one to share it with. Akuroku


AN: This is my Valentine's Day submission. Just because I'm cynical and bitter doesn't mean I can't take advantage of a holiday to write a kick-ass story.

For my stalkers: The next chapter of When Land Meets Sky should be up either tomorrow or Friday. I know exactly what I'm gonna do, and I hope you'll like it. So, without further adieu, I present this short, cheesy one-shot.

Disclaimer: I don't own it

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Roxas let his feet dangle over the cliff looking over the stillness of Twilight Town. He leaned forward heavily on the rail stopping him from falling, staring out at the sinking sun with a blank look on his face. In his right hand, he clutched a glowing, heart-shaped orb loosely, as if he would drop it onto the ground far below.

He was melancholy, thinking, as he ran his thumb loosely over the small object. So many people had been lost; so many forgotten.

Axel…

Axel had faded away, so long ago it seemed almost like a dream. The luxury Roxas had now, the freedom of choice to become a well and true Somebody, had never been offered to his red-haired friend. He had died alone, feeling only what he pretended to feel in his heartless body. He had been empty, like most Nobodies. But Roxas found it hard to feel bad about the others. None of them were as close to him as Axel.

He heaved a sigh, chewing on his lower lip thoughtfully. It was only by stroke of luck that he had been able to get one himself. Getting away from Sora had been a feat in itself. The tricky part was following the heartless around and waiting for them to attack a helpless bystander, then stealing the heart, all without alerting the small black monsters to his presence. Contrary to popular belief, they were much cleverer than they let on.

But…

Roxas lifted the orb to eye level and glared at it. Somehow, it seemed meaningless now. The whole time he was searching for one, once he'd left Sora far behind, his thoughts had been consumed with becoming a Somebody. His every move had been calculated, careful, dead-set on achieving his goal at any cost. But now that he had gained the very thing he had been seeking, he suddenly realized that he was completely alone. What good was humanity-existence- if there was no one to share it with?

He glared down at the town below his feet, as if blaming it for his troubles. He knew that the town wasn't the one he had spent nearly half a year of his non-existent life in; no, that one was a fabrication by Ansem. Still, he couldn't help but feel almost like it was his home that he left long ago. He couldn't help but feel that if he went into that town and sought out the people he thought he once knew-Hayner, Pence, Olette, maybe even Seifer-they would welcome him back into the fold once more. It was hard to believe they wouldn't know him, even if the ones he knew were only data in a giant computer.

Roxas threw the orb from one hand to the other, not bothering to be careful, remembering. Of all of his so-called memories, the ones that were the most clear involved Axel. Those were the ones he wanted back. Even though it had been the existence of a Nobody, his existence was real. It meant the most to him. He would give anything for things to go back to that, even if it meant choosing between it and having a heart.

Roxas squeezed the orb in his palm and a wave of emotion washed over him. He clenched his eyes shut tightly, fighting to ignore the prickling on the back of his eyelids. It was dumb, he thought. He didn't even technically have the heart yet, and it was still making him feel things he would rather not.

"You promised, Axel," he said, suddenly, unbidden. He lost the battle as drops of moisture ran tracks down his cheeks. "You promised we would be together, you promised! But where are you now?" He choked on his words. "You're dead, you bastard! How could you just leave me?!"

He clutched his hands to his face, desperately trying to staunch the ache in his chest where the heart had yet to reside. This wasn't right. He had no idea that being able to feel would hurt so goddamn much. And if he couldn't have Axel to share it with…

"It's not worth it!" He screamed, lifting the orb above his head. He would throw it. It would fall and be destroyed, and he would never have to worry about being lonely again.

Slender fingers wrapped themselves around his wrist. "Always so dramatic, Roxy," a fluid voice said. Roxas' eyes snapped open. No, it couldn't be…

He whipped his head around. Brilliant red hair; bright green eyes; those silly black tattoos; lips curled into a smirk; all this he saw in less than a second as he gaped.

"Axel," he said weakly, his voice sounding like that of a small child's. This couldn't really be him, could it? No, Axel was dead. It wasn't possible…

Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and used his free hand to cover his eyes. It was an illusion; it had to be. The minute he let himself believe Axel was standing behind him, the redhead would disappear and Roxas would be left feeling more alone than before.

A hand tugged down his own, and his eyes snapped open to see Axel's face level with his, a spark of amusement in his dazzling eyes.

"What are you doing?" The older said, chuckling. Roxas gaped again, shaking his head slowly. He didn't know what he had been doing. One look in those eyes, and all thoughts went out the window.

The blonde struggled to put into words exactly what he wanted to ask Axel, but all that ended up coming out was, "How?"

Axel grinned and sat next to Roxas, tugging on his wrists so that the younger was sprawled over his lap.

"It's no big mystery," Axel said, threading his gloveless fingers through the blonde spikes. "Or, rather, maybe it is. One minute, I'm fading away; then somehow I reappear on this weird world covered in these squiggly things…" -he gestured vaguely- "With this in my pocket." He reached into his black trench coat and pulled out an orb identical to the one Roxas was going to throw away. Roxas gasped.

"A heart? But…who would give you a heart?"

Axel grinned. "No idea. Guess I got me a guardian angel." He shrugged. "I didn't use it right away. Something just told me I should save it for a special occasion."

Maybe it was the heart in his hand talking, but Roxas had the feeling he had included him in that statement. Without thinking, he reached up and tugged Axel down, leaning up so their lips met halfway.

It wasn't a terribly good kiss, but it was a kiss nonetheless. It only lasted a few seconds before Roxas released him and laid back on his lap, embarrassed.

There was silence for a few minutes, then, "Roxas?"

"Yeah?" Roxas said, averting his gaze to the now-black horizon.

"Why'd you do that?"

Roxas could feel his face heating up. "It's this…thing," he said, lifting his hand slightly in an obvious gesture. "It's making me all emotional. I can't help it." He was surprised when Axel wrapped his arms around his waist and hauled the blonde up into a sitting position; unstable enough that he had to wrap his arm around the redhead's neck.

"No," Axel whispered playfully, "I meant, why did you stop?"

Roxas almost forgot to breathe when Axel pulled him into a deeper kiss. He melted against the arms that were holding him so securely, so safely. The blonde didn't notice when the orb in his right hand was plucked away, but when something warm and hard was pressed against the left side of his chest, he broke away to stare questioningly at the redhead.

"It's alright," Axel said soothingly, "Don't be scared." Roxas opened his mouth to protest that he wasn't scared, but when he felt the heart slip past the thin barrier of skin and bones, he found himself gasping at the strange sensation. There were a few seconds in which nothing changed, but when the heart began to spread every emotion he had ever heard of but never experienced hit him at once.

He began breathing fast, eyes tightly shut against the sensation. He was vaguely aware of Axel running a soothing track up and down his back and tucking him safely against his body. When it was over, tears fell without reason as the redhead slowly rocked him back and forth patiently. So wrapped up was he that he barely noticed when Axel let his own heart connect.

It wasn't nearly as shocking a reaction as Roxas', but when it was over Axel looked like he had woken up from a very long sleep; his eyes were slightly unfocused.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Axel said, grinning. Roxas smiled back weakly and buried his face in the juncture between Axel's neck and shoulder. The redhead nuzzled the spikes on the younger's head, making him look back up.

"I'm…happy," the blonde said incredulously. Axel nodded and pulled him in for another kiss. This one was long, drawn out. This one he poured his heart-his heart!-into, saying the things in a kiss he wanted to say out loud.

The redhead pulled away and grinned. "Still think it wasn't worth it?"

Roxas smirked slyly. "I don't know," he said, tugging on Axel's neck again. "I'll have to check again."

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Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! May your lives be filled with love and joy!


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